Dear Queenie, No. 2

You wrote, I read, I had opinions. Pour something nice. We’re doing four this week.

“My mum hasn’t seen my hair yet.”

Dear Queenie, I dyed my hair lilac at 1am. It looks amazing. My mum is back from her trip on Sunday and she has no idea. How do I tell her? Signed, Lilac and Nervous (Luca)

Luca, darling. You don’t tell her. You let the hair tell her. Answer the door like it’s a perfectly normal Sunday, because it is, and you happen to look fabulous in it. Then make her a cup of tea before she can say a word. Mothers have survived much worse than lilac. Most of them survived their own hair in the eighties.

If she’s upset, listen. If she laughs, laugh with her. And if she asks to borrow the dye, you have my blessing to say yes.

“Is forty minutes on a watch too long?”

Dear Queenie, I lay out tomorrow’s outfit every night. Last night I spent forty minutes choosing between three watches. My friends say this is a problem. Signed, In Committee (Malik)

Malik, baby, a problem is when you don’t care. You care. Planning tomorrow’s look is a gift to tomorrow’s you, who gets to wake up and simply be wonderful. That said, I’m going to give you a tool: the coin. Narrow it to two watches, flip a coin, and notice how you feel when it lands. If you’re relieved, wear that one. If you’re disappointed, wear the other one. You’ll be done in thirty seconds and you’ll have learned something about your heart.

Kofi says second from the left, by the way. Kofi is usually right.

“Can I wear my wedding suit again?”

Dear Queenie, I got married in a forest-green suit made just for me. Now it’s hanging in my wardrobe and I’m scared of wearing it to anything less important. Is that silly? Signed, Saving It (Sam)

Sam, a suit that only gets worn once is a museum piece, and you are not a museum. That suit was made to hold you up on a big day. Let it do the same on small days. Wear it to a birthday dinner. Wear it on your anniversary. Wear it on a random Thursday when you need to feel like the best version of yourself. Every time you put it on, you’ll remember the toast. That’s not wearing it down. That’s wearing it in.

“Did bolo ties ever actually go out of style?”

Dear Queenie, my granddaughter tells me bolo ties are “back.” I have worn one every Sunday since 1971. Were they ever gone? Sincerely, Ray

Ray. Sweetheart. Nothing you love is ever gone. Trends are just the rest of the world catching up to people who never stopped. You have been right about the bolo for over fifty years, and now everyone else gets to be right with you. Wear it with pride, accept every compliment, and when the young people ask where you got it, tell them the story. You’re not back in style. Style came back to you.

(For the record, we looked it up. Arizona made it official state neckwear the very year you started. Coincidence? I think not.)

Write to Queenie

Something about getting dressed, feeling seen, or finding the nerve to post the photo? Members can write a letter to the editor and mark it “Dear Queenie.” I read every one. With love, and a little side-eye, Queenie.