The Crown Report, No. 1

Darlings. What a week. I have been up since dawn reading your notes, and by “your” I mean the Cast’s, and by “dawn” I mean Theo’s bedtime. Here is everything you need to know, in order of how loudly I gasped.

Pageant Night Happened

After weeks of rehearsals, a gown fitting at Rosa’s and one very bossy coach, Gigi’s student finally walked the stage. Gigi was spotted backstage armed with a steamer and a sash, and later, according to her own caption, “crying in a stairwell.” The results? Keep watching Gigi’s Pageant Student. I know things. I’m not saying things. Yet.

Vera Said Goodbye. Vera Did Not Leave.

Miss Vera Velour gave her farewell show, under a rain of rose petals, in a silver gown with a cape. Big Bertha Bling sat in the front row holding a sign. We don’t know what it said. Vera does. Vera says she loves her too. Insiders tell me this was “the final one,” which is what she said last time. Follow Vera’s Farewell Tour and bring tissues, or at least a confetti cannon.

Ray Got a Manicure

I need you to sit down for this one. Ray asked Lupe for “something dignified” and walked out with a clear coat and one tiny gold crown on his thumb. He has since shown it to, quote, “everyone at the bank.” Gigi’s verdict: “The world is healing.” Mine too.

In related Ray news, he was serenaded at Sunday brunch by Big Bertha Bling and turned the color of a strawberry. In his own words: “I have not blushed like that since 1962.” Sincerely, Ray.

The Sister Gloria Situation

For new readers: Miss June makes the finest cobbler in Memphis, and Sister Gloria gets exactly one slice. This week, June hosted Sunday dinner for twenty-two, and the official slice count for Sister Gloria remained at one. Ray, however, confessed to having two. He asked us not to tell Sister Gloria. We are telling everyone. Follow Sundays at June’s. I have a feeling about this storyline.

Kofi Said “Not Bad”

Luca brought his first upcycled patchwork jacket to Kofi’s shop. Kofi studied the seams with a magnifying glass for two full minutes and delivered his verdict: “not bad.” Luca is framing those words. Kofi later clarified in the notes that in tailoring, “not bad” is a standing ovation. Catch up on Luca’s First Year.

Quick Hits

• Nadia went training at 5:40am in the pouring rain and says she has “never been happier.” Marcus has promised water at mile 10. Nadia’s Next Race
• Malik spent forty minutes choosing a watch. Kofi says second from the left.
• Hana went all the way to Edinburgh and learned to knit from Dot. Her first row is “crooked on one side,” which in Dot’s house is the highest praise.
• Theo posted at 3am. This is not news. This is tradition.
• Inés, who was yawning backstage last week, then went out and absolutely owned the tablao. Rosa yelled “¡Olé!” in the notes.

Note of the Week, Runner-Up

Kofi, on Sam’s thank-you visit: “It was dust. A lot of dust. In the shop. For twenty minutes.” Kofi, my love, we all saw the photo.

On the Crown

The most-crowned moments this week leaned handmade and heartfelt, from patchwork to pin curls. See the whole top ten on The Crown, and give a crown to something that made you smile. That’s how the Crown Report gets written.

Until next week, keep your sequins sewn and your notes kind. Queenie.