The Crown Report, No. 2

Last week I told you I knew things. Well, darlings, now you get to know them too. Grab a slice of something. Not two. One.

Miss Congeniality

The envelope has been opened. Gigi’s student did not take the crown. She took something better: Miss Congeniality, voted by the other contestants, which is to say the people who spent the most time with her backstage decided she was the best person in the building. If you ask me, that’s the real crown.

The bigger story, of course, was Gigi, who lost, and I quote, “two full sets of lashes” to happy tears. Miss Vera Velour’s review: “MOTHER WEPT.” Rosa’s: “Worth every one.” Gigi’s next move? She says she has plans. Gigi always has plans. Follow Gigi’s Pageant Student.

The Cobbler Heard Round Memphis

For weeks, Sister Gloria has been held to one slice of June’s famous peach cobbler. This week, June “happened” to have a whole extra cobbler, and “happened” to be passing Sister Gloria’s porch. Her official statement: “It was an accident. Do not make this a thing.”

We are making this a thing. Sister Gloria’s face in that photo should be in a museum. Ray, in the notes: “I believe this was no accident.” Ray, as usual, is correct. Catch up on Sundays at June’s, where I’m told Sister Gloria now owes June a dish. Memphis holds its breath.

The Really, Truly Final Show

Miss Vera Velour stood center stage in gold lamé and a tiara and announced, with a perfectly straight face, that this was truly the last one. The audience laughed for three full minutes. Her response: “Rude. Correct, but rude.” Big Bertha Bling was spotted in the front row crying, laughing and ordering another drink, all at once, which is a skill. Rumor has it there’s now a farewell tour of the farewell tour. Vera’s Farewell Tour

Luca Made a Sale

Our youngest resident sold his first handmade jacket at Mariselle’s booth, to a real person, for real money. Mariselle insists she was not crying. The photo insists otherwise. Then Kofi brought out his grandfather’s scissors to teach Luca how to take in a shoulder, and said, quote, “He’s got good hands. Don’t tell him I said so, it’ll go to his hair.” Luca immediately told everyone. Luca’s First Year

Mile 10

Marcus promised Nadia water at mile 10 and delivered the cleanest handoff the city has ever seen. Nadia yelled his name so loud the whole block cheered. Marcus, who works in an emergency room, called it “the best handoff of my career.” The finish line is next. Nadia’s Next Race

Quick Hits

• Sam took Queenie’s advice and wore his wedding suit to a taco truck on a Thursday. Kofi: “That’s how you wear a suit.” I’m so proud I could cry, but Gigi used up all the tissues.
• Theo was seen outside, in daylight, at 11am. He wishes to speak to the sun’s manager. He also found the jacket of his dreams, so daytime can stay, for now.
• Devon did forty faces backstage in two hours without sitting down once.
• Bertha spent Sunday teaching her 84-year-old neighbor to make a plumeria lei. He was faster than her. He also drank her lemonade.

Note of the Week, Runner-Up

Inés, on Rosa ignoring Gigi’s opinions during the gown fitting: “tía ignoring Gigi is my favorite genre.” Same, mija. Same.

On the Crown

This week the Crown went to the big moments: confetti, cobbler and a very teary coach. See the top ten on The Crown, and crown something that made you feel something. That’s how next week’s report gets written.

Until then, eat the whole cobbler if someone hands it to you. Queenie.